Being a caregiver for your aging parents or loved ones can sometimes seem like a battle. A battle between your loyalty and yourself. Knowing they need you and your care, but feeling exhausted, frustrated, and at times depressed or even angry at the drain on your time and energy. These feelings can be exacerbated if you’re caring for someone with a terminal illness, complicated by the fact that the battle you are fighting will ultimately take them in the end.
Recognize that you are not in this alone. There are services and systems to help you and your loved one, both within your community and online. There are support groups where you may find others with similar stories and advice that might just work for you. There are technologies that can allow you time away and yet monitor the safety and welfare of your loved one.
Whether you are a local or a long distance caregiver for an older parent of loved one, reach out to the local Area Agency on Aging (AAA) or Aging and Disability Resource Center (ADRC) in your parents’ or loved ones’ community and see what services are available. When I was active duty military, I was the caregiver for my mother who lived in Virginia. I was stationed in Misawa, Japan and in the middle of 24-hour operational exercises, when my Mom was admitted to the hospital in Woodbridge, VA. From Japan, I connected with the Prince William County Area Agency on Aging (PWCAAA) in Manassas, VA, to set up services for my Mom upon her release from the hospital. The care coordinator at PWCAAA helped created a plan of care for my Mom, who was very independent and lived in her own home. The plan provided for in-home services and meals and allowed my Mom to remain in her home while she recuperated. This was a huge help to me since I had no idea what was available in my Mom’s local area, much less able to coordinate background checks and delivery of services from 3,000 miles away.
Support groups can be lifesavers for exhausted caregivers providing an outlet if you want to vent or a sympathetic shoulder if you need to cry. Many arrange for care for your loved while you’re in the group. Check with your local AAA or ADRC for support groups in your area. Also, some long-term care facilities offer temporary respite care, overnight or during the day. Again, your AAA or ADRC can help you find information on these services.
There are also resources online. The National Family Caregiver Association has caregiver resources available as does the Family Caregiver Alliance.
AAAs and ADRCs are great resources for caregivers, family members and providers looking for information and services for older individuals and those with disabilities.
If your older loved one lives on their own, look into the latest aging technologies that help keep our older loved ones safe. They run the gamut from applications that remind them when to take their medications to an iPad app for keeping track of an Alzheimer’s patient or keeping an eye on Mom while she’s alone at home during the day. There’s also the alarm necklace or bracelet which has been around for a while which can be sounded if a fall or some other type of accident occurs and usually contacts a call center which then dispatches emergency help and can also contact the caregiver. Some of these technologies get pricey, but depending on your requirements, may be worth the investment. Check back here for the latest and greatest in aging technologies.
One word of caution: Before allowing anyone into your home, please do a thorough check to ensure they are a legitimate business. You can check with the Better Business Bureau, or again with your local AAA or ADRC.
While caregiving is a noble endeavor, done from love and loyalty, no one denies that it is often accomplished at the expense of health and well-being of the caregiver themselves. When this happens, it does neither the loved one nor the caregiver good. There is help available. Please reach out before you wear out.
